the circus

Couldn’t sleep last night, don’t ask me why. I left my watch on for the night, and I guess I didn’t hear the alarm under the covers, so we all woke up by chance at 7:05 – yikes! As I was scrambling out of bed, Zeiva asked if I was coming back. I said I could lie with her for one minute after making their lunches. She said, “But you said you were going to SLEEP with me!”

“I DID sleep with you, Zeiva.”

“Is it wake up time?!”

“Yes, it’s morning and it’s time to get ready for the club.”

“But that was only a short time, like a nap.”

“No, Zeiva, you slept all night and I slept next to you all night.”

She was mildly confused, but willing to get up. She’d slept for 11 hours after her post-tantrum crash, but I guess it hadn’t felt like it to her!

We made the time crunch a family team challenge, and we were out the door on time and in good spirits. Lucas even asked Zeiva at breakfast if she thought we could make it through the day without crying. He explained very seriously that we needed to have at least ONE day without crying for Papa to be able to come visit (not sure where he got this idea). Zeiva thought we could manage it at least once. (I’m both desperate that it be more than once, but also sadly not wanting to set my sights too high!)

Yesterday, we’d stopped the bus that comes very near our house (Pozuelos) to ask if it went to the stop where we switch buses to go to Marfil, where the club is. He said he did, but that he winds down through el centro and that we were better off walking to our regular stop to catch the bus we’d been catching previously. Because of the walk with both kids, and the wait for the regular (El Pípila) bus, we actually arrived at the change-over stop just as the same Pozuelos bus was pulling up. So it took exactly the same amount of time, it just depends on whether we want to spend 10 more minutes walking and 10 minutes waiting for a 10 minutes bus ride, or 30 minutes on the bus winding through town. So today we decided to try winding through town. It was good for me because it continues to help me learn my way around. I also prefer avoiding the walk along the busy street to the other stop, the stress of making it to the stop in time, etc. Zeiva said the long bus ride made her tired. Lucas was, as usual, completely absorbed looking out the window and at other passengers. So we’ll see what the kids will prefer in the future. Maybe we’ll switch it up!

A few tidbits from the past few days:

Background info you’ll need in a few minutes: The gardener/night watchman on the property is named Martín. The story: On Monday, we were getting off the bus at our first stop and Zeiva yelled “adios, Martín”. I thought that was weird, when did she learn the name of the bus driver? She did it again when we were getting off at the club. And then when we were getting off back at home, she asked if this bus driver was also named Martín, and I told her I didn’t know their names. And she said, “yes, you said it when we were looking for the bus”. I don’t remember the exact exchange of conversation, but what we figured out was that basically every time I was saying we needed a bus that said “Pípila” (our first leg) and then a bus that said “Marfil” (our second leg), she thought I was referring to the driver’s names, not the places we were going. She had interpreted “Marfil” as “Martín” because it was a name more familiar to her (and easier to pronounce) and had gleefully shouted her greetings to the bus drivers. Cute. I told her she’ll have to ask their names from now on if she wants to say goodbye.

As we were walking home from our little shopping excursion yesterday, there was a huge bull with large, really sharp horns sitting on our dirt road. I admit I was a little nervous walking by it. I was carrying the backpack with all the kids’ camp stuff, my own bag with camera, computer, water bottle, etc plus 3 different grocery bags, AND trying to hold Zeiva’s hand. We had no where to go because of the barbed wire and the cliff edge, so we just slowly, gingerly walked by, coming within about 6 feet at the closest part. Part of me felt silly for being afraid of the beast, but the other part of me wasn’t interested in being gored to death in front of my kids (or worse, having my kids gored in front of me!) because I was a stupid gringo who didn’t know this wasn’t a warm fuzzy farm animal. They do have a bull ring here in town, you know! Anyway, just as we were on the other side and feeling out of danger, a guy came walking along with his headphones on and walked within about 2 feet of the bull. The bull flicked it’s tail, the guy didn’t even give the bull a glance (though I know he saw it), and I went back to feeling silly – which, given the alternative, is ok by me.

I keep forgetting to mention something I think is pretty amazing about Guanajuato, that Veronica (the property manager) pointed out the evening we were racing around trying to find activities for the kids. It was one of those things that I hadn’t explicitly registered even though it was so obvious. According to the Lonely Planet, Guanajuato is a city of about 71,000 people. There is not a SINGLE stoplight in town. Maybe this isn’t unique – perhaps other cities with similar infrastructure are the same. I kept saying how amazed I was by the alleyways and stone bridges and structures of the houses all piled on top of another on the hills and my mom said it wasn’t much different from many places in Europe. I haven’t done much traveling in Europe, and my idea of vacation is usually as far away from people and architecture as possible, so I’ve been awestruck while here. I’m equally amazed that a city this size (despite many of it’s roadways being inaccessible to cars) literally has no stoplights.  There are a few merge signs (which incidentally, they must not have an actual word for, because the signs are these long phrases that translate to “yield passage one car and one car at a time”), but I’ve only seen a couple of stops signs and the remainder of the large intersections (including where their version of freeways intersect) are governed by roundabouts. The other entertaining thing is that several very busy, high traffic streets are two-way but only have room for one lane because of people parked all over the sides of the road. And it’s not like Seattle on the low-traffic side-streets where people sort of plan ahead and pull over a block down because they see someone else headed their way. In the area where we catch one of our buses, there are cars, buses, lots of delivery trucks and it can take 20 minutes to go ¼ of a mile because each vehicle drives right up to the nose of the oncoming vehicle and then with pointing and gesticulations, the drivers negotiate who gets to go forward, who has to go in reverse and for how far. This usually also draws out several guys hanging around, who help direct the vehicles, assuring them they have this much space to pass the parked car or opposing vehicle, etc. 20 feet later it happens all over again with the next vehicle. It’s crazy! Fortunately, most everything is shut down at 8 am when we catch our morning bus, so we haven’t been stuck in that for our trips to the club…so far.

Well, evening has arrived, and perhaps this blog is really just going to be my daily outlet for preserving my sanity. The afternoon actually went pretty well. We had to wait a long time for our second bus home, and ended up catching yet a different one that got us quite close. On the way down our dirt road we encountered a woman with four young children, whom we’ve never seen before (it’s a dead end). I asked her if she lived down the road and she said, yes, with two of the kids. So we agreed that we should look for each other in the afternoons so the kids can play together. She mentioned playing football, which means Lucas will be game instantly.

I have recently been trying to keep my Spanish expectations reigned in, because I really can’t tell if they are ever going to speak much. But today, the camp coordinators said Lucas was talking a lot in Spanish and Zeiva even said a few words. Then, this evening, as has become our routine, the kids were out pulling weeds with Martín, and I came out to call them in. They didn’t see me walk up to them, and I heard Lucas going on about the kids at the club and how he had to ask them in different ways how to say their name (que es tu nombre, como te llamas…) because they didn’t seem to understand. All in Spanish. The highlight of my week, by far.

And here are the numerous low points. 20-minute meltdown by Lucas because he lost an Uno game. Those of you who know him well know that this is not unusual. Having time to just hang out and focus on the kids is great, except all Lucas wants to do is play games, yet every time he doesn’t win it’s a nightmare. Quality time at it’s best.

We had a little bit of a hectic bedtime because I’d agreed to let them write email messages to their buddies, which took a few extra minutes, and then we got a welcome call from Nani and Belo, but which also took a few minutes and got them a bit excited. We managed to settle down and get mostly ready for bed. We had a minor battle over the braid again, which got Zeiva teetering on her insane mode, but we managed to get it taken care of without actually falling into the void. Unfortunately, it was enough to disrupt the final trifecta – pee, water and chap stick. She refused to pee. Oh, god, here we go. It’s not been an option to go to bed without peeing since she was two. I honestly had to pee myself, so I told her I was going to go and then I’d like her to. She shrieked (after refusing to pee numerous times), “NO, I’M GOING PEE!” ok, GREAT! Please go pee. She rolls around on the bed, ignoring me. We go back and forth with this same exchange. I finally just head to the toilet myself, and she completely flips out. That was at 9 pm. It is 10:45 and she just laid down. She’s been writhing on the floor next to me shrieking and screaming as though someone cut a limb off for over 90 minutes. And saying ridiculous things like, “I’M LOSING MY SLEEP TIME!!” Umm, yes, you’re correct. All you need to do is go pee and go to sleep. Imagine that. “I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND!!” After getting her to ask me kindly (something we’ve tried to be extremely consistent about), I extend my hand, and she turns her body away. Self-sabotage – I don’t get it. Here’s a really good one. After she’d actually peed, I let her know repeatedly that she could just get a sip of water, put chap stick on (things she’s done herself a million times) and go to bed. But, no, she REALLY wanted me to do it. So we probably spent 15 minutes working on getting her to ask me to kindly instead of shrieking at me. She finally does and I let her know that she has one opportunity – if she turns her head away when I try to put it on, she is welcome to the chap stick, but I am not helping her and I am done with her for the night. No extra chances. She screams at me, “WELL THEN I WILL JUST TAKE THE CHAP STICK AND PUT IT ON MYSELF!!!” Hmmm. Swear we’ve been there. Just for kicks, she also decided that she wanted to sleep in the big bed with me. After all the negotiating we did with Lucas and him obligingly taking his turn last night on the roll-away, and she throws that into the mix, too? Fortunately, Lucas has long since passed out and can sleep through a tornado.

It’s just so mind boggling. I really wonder sometimes whether her neurons are wired incorrectly, she’s so self-destructive. Is she going to be cutting herself as a teenager?! All I can figure is that it’s about control, about holding me hostage. I want to ignore her until she’s ready to be calm and use her words, but she wants me to sit there to help her get calm. Except because I’m sitting there she won’t calm down because she can hold me hostage longer. So she continues to cry and throw herself around. But then if I say sorry, you let me know when you’re calm and I will listen to your words, she goes ballistic because I’m getting up, or returning to all the dirty dishes or getting ready for bed. A complete catch-22. No thanks. Anyone see a way out? I’d love to hear it. I try so hard to avoid getting into the initial power struggle, but come on, she has to go pee before getting into bed and it’s a routine we’ve been in for TWO YEARS.

The saddest part is that last night in the middle of the night (she had a similar meltdown yesterday), she said in her sleep, “3, 2, 1 (presumably me giving her a countdown to a lost opportunity)….noooooo (in a crying voice)”. So apparently she’s battling me even while asleep. The funniest part is that the book I’m reading right now that I’m quite enjoying is Christine Carter’s “Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents”. Ha, ha. I’m only on step 6, but it must be later in the book where she mentions selling them to the circus!