mission impossible: tear-free day

10 Julio

On Sunday Nani and I did some cooking in the morning and then she got ready to leave. I shed just a couple of tears as her ride to the airport drove her away – Lucas of course noticed, and that sent him into a sobbing tailspin for a good 20 minutes. The universe joined in with some heavy rain, which lead me scampering out to pull in all the clothes that were hanging out to dry. There was some bickering, and Lucas claimed that it was because Nani was gone, that we needed another person down here in order to get along so couldn’t Papa come down? I reminded him of all the daily meltdowns and fighting that occurred while Nani WAS here, so I didn’t quite follow his logic. He admitted things hadn’t been perfect, but offered, “maybe they WOULD be better if Papa were here!” (and I’m sure they would be.) The kids mellowed out so I decided to do a little more cooking for the week. I’d bought several packages of chicken the day before at La Mega, the labels for which said they were packaged that same day and were good for about four days. When I cut them open, I was assaulted by a smell that reminded me of cutting open dead seals on the beach. That didn’t seem good, but maybe I’m being too picky. I tried rinsing the meat….it still stank. I persevered, deboning it and cutting it into pieces for browning. But as I contemplated cooking and eating it, my stomach turned, and I figured it wasn’t worth the risk, especially with the kids. I went next door and asked them if the packaged chicken normally smelled off, and they assured me that it occasionally needs to be tossed out. Phew, I’m not over-reacting….we’ll try again another day with the butcher down the street.

We had a reasonable afternoon, and I had the perfect carrot to get us through our first evening without Nani: the kids were going to talk via Skype with Jacob and Rylee, their best buddies from home. I was counting on it to help us eat dinner and get ready early, since we were starting the summer camp the next day. We talked about it numerous times, always with the stipulation that we were all ready for bed by 7 pm our time to call. Dinner went well. Lucas did great getting ready for bed. Zeiva did great getting ready for bed, and there was a lot – pajamas, brushing teeth, going pee, putting her foot medicine on, putting medicine on her arm (bug bite, see below!), taking Tylenol, having a sip of water, putting chap stick on (her requirement). At 6:54 pm we had just one last thing to do – braid her hair. She refused – she wanted to do it after we talked. Not part of the agreement! We had previously talked about how we were all in this together and that no one got to Skype if everyone wasn’t ready, so Lucas and I were gently encouraging her to just let me do a quick braid so we could call. No go. There ensued a good half hour tantrum, which was resolved only by calling Papa (reward – argh!), and Zeiva getting to see Shy Kitty (her favorite stuffed animal, who we opted not to bring because she’s quite large) and Maya (our dog). Once they had calmed her down, I was allowed to braid her hair. We’d agreed that we were going to bed at 8 pm, so by the time things were back to normal, it was 7:52 pm and the kids each got 4 minutes to talk to their buddies. :( It was a wonderful 8 minutes, but hopefully we’ll have better luck next time.

The kids actually went to bed pretty readily after that. It was our first night all together in the big bedroom. We brought Zeiva’s roll-away cot into the room alongside the huge King bed, and she was happy to sleep there because it was “hers”. (I figured a battle was coming, little did I know it would just take a while). Lucas slept with me. I was looking forward to actually getting a good, long night’s sleep, which hadn’t really happened so far, but it turns out I was too worried about Zeiva’s arm. Both kids have had a few mosquito bites, and they’re fairly sensitive to them – some swelling, really itchy, etc. Zeiva got a second bite within ½ an inch or so from a previous bite on her elbow, and the first couple of days it seemed just like all the others. But over the weekend, it seemed to have gotten significantly worse. Her entire forearm was swollen, there was a blister in a ring around the actual bite, all her skin was red in a circle of about a 2 inch radius, and it was constantly bothering her. She scratches and tosses around and cries in her sleep. We’d started putting on hydrocortisone and giving her Tylenol at night (I’m glad I packed a mini-pharmacy). On Sunday, I couldn’t figure out if it was getting better or worse. It seemed slightly better, so when Nani insisted a few times that we have her airport ride drop us at a clinic in town, I told her not to worry. Unfortunately, that evening, it seemed to get decidedly worse. The redness spread (though not in obvious streaks) and her whole arm was really hot and it was really bothering her without any relief no matter what we tried. So when we finally settled into bed, I just laid there thinking, “should I pack the kids up and head down to the clinic? should I ask the neighbors or the night watchman if they can watch Lucas and just take Zeiva into town? should I call the travel insurance medical hotline? should I try to ice it while she sleeps? should I try to call Ballard Pediatrics in the morning? what if it’s horribly worse by then?” ugh! I finally gave up and decided we’d reassess in the morning, but Zeiva tossed and turned and cried and scratched throughout the night. Add to that the fact that Lucas is all over the place while he sleeps, and it was pointless to even try to catch some zzzs.

11 Julio

Day 1 of what is supposed to be our routine for the next month – could we pulI it off? I got up at 6:15 to get the kids’ lunches ready, pack their stuff, eat and get ready myself so I could focus on them when they woke up. Wait, this sounds no different than home! ;) Fortunately, they woke up on their own shortly after 7 am. I figured we’d need to leave the house by 8 to walk to the first bus stop, catch our two buses and walk the rest of the way to the club by 9. I was avoiding thinking about how things would change if Zeiva’s arm wasn’t better. Extra fortunately, Zeiva’s arm was soooooooo much better. Hardly red at all, the swelling had gone down, and the blister was tiny. She said it wasn’t bothering her much. What a massive relief – thank you immune system!

The kids were awesome getting ready and we walked out the door at 8:04 am, with no harassment even! We made it about 2/3 of the way to the bus stop and heard the bus coming. Oh no! First, I didn’t know if they would stop for us. Second, I needed to pay 11 pesos for us to get on, and all I had was a 100-peso bill! I’d planned on asking for change at the little tiendas near the bus stop. We tried flagging the bus down and he stopped! We climbed aboard, I put on my most pathetic face and asked if there was any way he could provide change for a 100. He smiled and said, “sube, sube – climb on, climb on.” Lucas and I were elated, Zeiva was just having fun singing.

We caught our second bus after maybe a minute’s wait and arrived at the club with 10 minutes to spare. That gave them time to watch the other kids coming in, see the teachers interacting with them, and settle into the group slowly. So by the time they marched off in single file, they just gave me a brief look over their shoulders as Lucas led the way and Zeiva followed behind, holding onto the strap of Lucas’ backpack. Wow, this might work!

I got permission to hang out at the club during the day, given the language issue and the fact that I don’t have a cell phone. I stayed out of sight, read, wandered around the grounds, and only joined the kids to lend a hand with Zeiva when they all decided to have a swim. The first day the schedule was kind of opportunistic, since they were figuring out kids’ various skill levels and sorting out the routine schedule. But most importantly, Zeiva got to swim, which she’s been dying to do since the day we got here. It made her day, and to a degree, made up for the past 12 days! The other bonus of hanging around here is that I got more info on “renting” a membership to the club. I met a family from Phoenix who owns the house next door to the club. They bought the place 18 years ago when they came to town for a friend’s wedding and fell in love with the area, and they come with their three kids (6, 8 and 12) every summer. They’ve been renting a membership at the club for 15 years. Their kids are also signed up for the camp, which of course is both good and bad. On the one hand, it’s kind of nice for Lucas and Zeiva to have two kids out of thirty that they can turn to for a little English support. However, Lucas did come home yesterday and tell Papa that he made a friend (Oscar, the 8-yr-old). When Papa asked if he’d made any other friends, or learned the names of any of the other kids at the camp, he said no. Presumably that will change over the course of the month! Anyway, back to memberships. I had asked about renting, but they said they’d sorted out rentals for July already (which is fine because we’re already paying for the kids to be here through the camp). When I asked about renting for August, they said I could fill out the form and they could see, but summer rentals were rare because kids were out of school, the weather was nice, etc and members tended to use the club. But they’d see if there was anything for me. They also explained that to complete the form, I need the signatures of three current members to “vouch” for me – ha! So I pretty much tossed the rental idea out. Then I got talking with Michelle, the Phoenix family mom. She couldn’t sign for me because she’s a renter too (despite having rented for 15 years – serious bureaucracy and elitism here!), but she was willing to go scare up the signatures I needed because she of course knows “real” members. AND, it just so happens that they are leaving the first week of August this year, for the first time ever. We asked at the club office, and the woman there said that they could designate the membership rental to me for the month of August! So I may just be able to swing staying here at the club after the camp ends on 5 August. Which is good, because as far as I can tell from all the research I did trying to find this camp, there is nothing later in August except evening classes (soccer, swimming, etc). I’m pretty sure school starts here mid-August, so we’ll be stuck with nothing to do again. If we can come here, we can at least lounge in a comfortable place where we can swim, kick the ball around, play with any other kids that might be around, etc. I’m of course not counting on it until it’s official, but at least it’s a possibility.

Unfortunately, Zeiva had a bit of diarrhea as the camp ended, and we were afraid to take our long bus journey home. Zeiva was unwilling to try to go more at the club because it hurt, and assured me she would hold it on the bus if it came again. I told her she wouldn’t be able to. She asked why it wasn’t ok to just go on the bus if she had to and clean it up when we got home (she’s wearing a skirt, mind you!). ??? Given that attitude, we took a taxi home. My pessimistic side kicked in – we finally sorted out this camp and this is their time to settle in and make friends and now she’s going to be home for who knows how long with diarrhea?! Waaah. She fell asleep and by the time evening rolled around, she was feeling much better. Phew, again. Despite the negativity that I let creep in now and then (ok, maybe a lot), I feel like things have fallen into place and that we’re going to be ok. I feel incredibly fortunate for even the little things, like the bus pulling over for us!

We had a fabulous evening – leftovers and quesadillas for dinner, more snail hunting and weeding with Martín, the gardener (and night watchman), who the kids have finally taken to. We got all ready for bed and the kids decided they BOTH wanted to sleep in the big bed with me. I knew that would probably work fine for them, but definitely not for me. And I really needed some sleep! Zeiva made a reasonable argument that she’d already slept in the roll-away and that she wanted to sleep with me. Lucas refused, and said he absolutely was not sleeping on the roll-away. A stalemate, despite my pleading with Lucas. BUT, today was the very first day since we’d arrived that we had gone without anyone shedding a single tear or throwing a fit, and I didn’t want to end with a battle. So I said we could try sleeping all three in the bed, but if I couldn’t sleep then we were switching to one kid in bed with me each night and it was Lucas’ turn on the roll-away tomorrow night. Lucas said NO!, stuck his tongue out at me, and rolled over. I climbed off the bed to go wash dishes and get ready for bed myself, and as I was walking out of the room, Zeiva suddenly burst into tears. She didn’t want me to go do anything, she just wanted me to go to sleep with her. Another impossible situation. So much for our first tear-free day. She cried while I washed dishes, then she and Lucas started playing and getting all wild instead of falling asleep so I could have some time to myself, and I finally gave up and got into bed, if nothing else to separate them. I turned out the lights. Five minutes later, Zeiva dissolves into tears again. “I didn’t get to look at my Thomas book”. Argh! Her specialty right now is pushing the limits of very clear, pre-defined terms of our agreements and it drives me insane. If I say no, which I should given bedtime was long over, then she’ll start howling, which I’m uncomfortable with because of the neighbors. Grrrr. So she gets six minutes of Thomas time, thus rewarding her for throwing a fit to get something we already agreed was not in the cards. Quality parenting. Sigh. They finally fell asleep much later than they should, given we start all over again the next day. And I, of course, have a horrible night’s sleep. It may be me on the roll-away, though I offered that, and both kids said NO, we want to sleep WITH you. So I might be sneaking onto the roll-away once both kids are asleep, who knows…

12 Julio

We had another awesome morning and I was hoping TODAY would be our first day without tears, and otherwise uneventful. I peeked at the kids on and off during the day, and they were having a great time swimming, playing soccer and basketball and staring at the other kids while they talk excitedly to each other. So I relaxed a bit and wandered around the grounds to get some photos:

the "kiddy pool" (Zeiva in the pink cap). she didn't last long in here, because there's no room to really swim. you can see the lap/diving pool in the background. there are diving platforms on the tower visible at the far end.

the indoor lesson pool. it continues along under the arch about as far again as the visible section.

this is just off to the side of the lesson pool - the sign says "women only" and it's the "entrance" to the women's locker room (see next photo)

this is looking down into the little tower in the previous picture - the steps down into the locker room!!

the pathway leading to the basketball court

the entrance courtyard of the club

some more of the club grounds - it is the most green space i've seen here

the walkway to the squash and tennis courts. the club is essentially on the grounds of the ruins of an old hacienda - it's gorgeous!

Our afternoon went well, also. We took a different bus up to the ridge by our house to get dropped off by the little shops near home. We got a few groceries, fruits and veggies, and had the butcher chop up some chicken for us. It smelled fine! I was so hopeful for the rest of the evening. The kids haven’t really liked anything we’ve cooked so far. Even the quesadillas are not the reliable backup they normally are because they don’t like the corn tortillas or the types of cheeses that they have here as much. So I decided to grill some teriyaki chicken tonight, despite how non-Mexican it is – a sure crowd pleaser at home. They both hated it. Well, Lucas hated it and Zeiva may or may not have. But since Lucas said so, she acted disgusted while eating it. We did our regular routine of deciding on a mutually agreed upon number of bites, but somewhere near the end of dinner, things started to dissolve. She wouldn’t sit up and eat, she wouldn’t answer my questions about what she wanted to eat to finish and get strawberries. I ended up having to clear the plates with no input from her, and then she wouldn’t come in or out of the casita as I was trying to shut the door. This is her guerilla tactic that really only makes herself miserable. She refuses to do what she actually wants to do, thereby working herself into a huge mess. I explained that we needed to keep the door shut because of the mosquitoes (this is not a new concept) but she would not come in. So, I shut the door. She completely lost it and there ensued a massive tantrum that included the typical convulsions all over the floor, shrieking, crying, almost vomiting, partially calming herself down but then refusing to answer questions like “are you ready to come in” or “would you like a hug”, which I just respond to by going back to whatever I’m doing, which she responds to by hitting mach 10 again, and – a new twist that she’s never exhibited before – calling me dumb and saying she doesn’t love me anymore. :( I guess I jinxed our tear-free day by thinking about it so much. I just cooked the rest of the chicken with some mole sauce and let her do her thing until she calmed herself down enough to ask for a hug, which all told, took over an hour. Once she had herself under control, she asked to go to bed. Hmmm, ya think? I must admit I feel a little self-conscious because I know the parents in the big casa can hear everything. I feel like Lucas and Zeiva are generally pretty reasonable kids. But I can easily imagine the folks next door, having heard them freaking out every day the past 12 days (usually over who gets the key, who gets to go out the door first, what we’re eating, who is playing with whose ball, how close one of them is allowed to stand next to the other – even though the meltdowns are of course not about those things), thinking that they were the most poorly-behaved, spoiled, bratty kids ever. Hmm.

On the bright side, Lucas agreed with only minor, trying-to-hide-a-smile protestation to sleep on the roll-away and Zeiva is out cold. So I might get some sleep tonight! And we’ll try again tomorrow.

P.S. Late-breaking news! Django bought a ticket and is coming down the first week in August! Yahoo! Now it feels like I only have to survive the next four weeks instead of the next seven. I’ll have a couple of weeks still after he leaves, but the visit in between will make a huge difference!